Possible Royal Epithets for Consideration of His Highness, King Evan

Believe it or not, another piece of found art.  This is from a dusty old scroll I uncovered while shepherding in Mesopotamia last summer through U of M.    I finally got around to translating it from the original Mesopotamian this weekend.  It was torn at the bottom so I don’t know how long the original went on.  But I think we all get the idea.  For the record, I just googled “King Evan” but came up empty, so I have no idea which, if any, of these he ever chose.  He does sound like kind of an interesting guy, for a historical figure.

Possible Royal Epithets for Consideration of His Highness, King Evan

  1. The Wise
  2. The Wise at Choosing Epithets
  3. The Terrifying
  4. The Endowed
  5. The Walker
  6. The Insatiable
  7. The Grateful
  8. The Fabulous
  9. The Banisher
  10. The Recycler
  11. The Back-Slapping Hugger
  12. The Racist
  13. Decorator of Trees
  14. The Ogler
  15. The Insistent
  16. The Ameliable
  17. The Nattily Dressed
  18. The Brave in the Dark
  19. The Allergic
  20. The Inbred
  21. The Sarcastic
  22. The Less Oppressive
  23. He Who Is Just Getting Around to Seeing Africa
  24. The Dog Wrestler
  25. The Arab Monk With the Gems in His Trunk
  26. The Baller
  27. Employee of the Century
  28. The Small Government Guy
  29. The Bipolar
  30. The Blamer
  31. Experimenter With Moustaches
  32. The Occasional Rapist
  33. The Toy-Painter
  34. The Isolated
  35. The Placeholder
  36. The Discrete
  37. The Relatively Pleasant-Smelling
  38. The Inexplicably Damaged
  39. The Conceder
  40. King of Kings
  41. Lord of Lords
  42. King of Lords
  43. Lord of Kings
  44. Massage-Hands
  45. The Careful Worder
  46. The Enthusiast of Cheese
  47. The Competitive With His Brother, Who Never Became King
  48. The Nepotistic
  49. The Bar Lowerer
  50. The Inappropriately Shirtless
  51. The Pageant-Rigger
  52. The Gushy
  53. The Ridiculously Constant Seeker of Validation
  54. The Syphilitic
  55. The Struggler With the Apostrophe
  56. The So Fucking Disco
  57. The Husky, but Certainly Not Fat
  58. The Not So Very Vengeful
  59. Awww Yeah
  60. Hootie Hoo
  61. Boom
  62. The Plate-Licker
  63. The Oligarchic
  64. The Bureaucrat
  65. The Sports Fan
  66. The Charming Laugher
  67. The Not Long For This World
  68. The Instigator
  69. The Girthy
  70. The Tantrum-Prone
  71. The Hunched
  72. The Ruthless Critic
  73. The Street Smart
  74. The Ejaculator
  75. The Crimson Tide
  76. The Strutter
  77. The Cool
  78. The Weeper at Commercials
  79. The Doodler
  80. The Endured
  81. The Jocular
  82. The Flautist
  83. The Motherfucking Legend

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